Rokman’s Hideaway


It often becomes necessary to play both sides.
March 18, 2007, 7:04 pm
Filed under: Love In The News

You never know when you are going to run into a situation where you have to opportunity to be with someone other that your spouse or partner. I Love Him, I Love Him Not It is important to play both sides of the scenario, before making the decision to venture into something, that will lead to greater complications in the future. The grass is not always green on the other side.

Through a conversation with a co-worker I was told, while she was away on holidays she met some people. One person she met, in particular, appeared to spark interest from both sides. This co-worker is currently involved with someone who was out at sea. She assures me that nothing happened but it could have and she played that double scenario through and decided the right thing. It also helped that the person that she was somewhat interested in resides in another province.

Letting the alternate scenario play out comes with it’s own set of circumstances. There is the job of trying to cover up those indiscretions. Keeping those indiscretions covered up, almost always proving to be more cumbersome than it was worth.

Experimenting outside the relationship is always wrong. If your partner is not involved in the scene with you then it is not acceptable. Playing both scenarios before venturing astray will help prevent you from making the wrong choice. The alternate scenario is always nice as a fantasy but leave it there.

Cheers
Island Rokman



Breakups Electronically
March 9, 2007, 8:03 pm
Filed under: Love In The News

USA Today: Breakups are always hard no matter how you slice it

Breaking up it not so easy anymore. There is a lot more to it than people realize. Those little games we play with each other pretending not to care about our former partners but, it happens even if you don’t realize it.

Checking to see if they are online. Wondering who they are chatting with. What do you do? Do you stop hanging around the chat rooms you both once frequented? NO! Do you take them off your IM contact lists and email list? Well maybe!

It is not much different then a real life drama. You don’t stop going to the bars that you visited while you are both single and together.You may have accumulated a few new friends along the way and tensions will be high if you both are in the same room. This is expected.

It is hard to think the other person should be out having fun. If they are with someone else at the time it makes it even worse. Guess what, you are there too. That means you are looking just the same as your ex. Don’t get mad if they have found someone or something before you do. Get used to it and deal with it.

 

It is almost better to be online and break up because even in a crowded room you can get lost in private conversation with other room guests. Not so easy when you are in public face to face.

 

Cheers
Rokman

 



Do Background Checks Make Internet Dating Safer?
March 5, 2007, 3:41 pm
Filed under: Love In The News

New internet phase posted in the StarTribune
Internet background checks tell all about a new love interest.I want to be clear I am not opposed to background checks on potential mates, but I think it is a mistake to place all your faith in these checks. Just because a person does not have a criminal record does not mean they are not a rapist, pedophile, or serial killer.

The article indicates, it is pretty easy to get that background check done on someone you meet from the Internet. What about the person you met in the bar last night? You know, that person you just met at the bar and had sex with on the first night? I know, the sex was great so they must be alright *smiles*

How do you know he/she is not a sociopath. After a few drinks they all look the same don’t they? By the next day it is too late you have already given your away the most personal information you have.

At least with the Internet you can spend some time getting to know someone on an intellectual level. Obviously if background checks are now required as standard internet meeting practise; the Internet had made no advances on its poor reputation as a risky place to meet people.

Until this form of meeting/introduction becomes an accepted norm people will continue exploit trust our personal trust issues as a way to take our money away. In fact, all you have to do is use your own common sense and the inner voice that is within you.

I have heard all the arguments: I can’t see what they look like. What if they are lying to me? What if they are married? I don’t really know anything about this person.

Think about it. If you are sitting there drinking all evening with a person, getting drunk having a good time. Chances are you are in a bar where the music is way to loud, you really have not heard a word the person has said to you. The end of the evening comes and you think, alright your place or mine because that is all you were looking for in the first place. How romantic. NOT!!!!!

So you decide to try dating through the Internet and you find out the person’s a creep and they won’t leave you alone. Now what? You are afraid to go out your door for fear of running into them. With the Internet its not too hard to get rid of them. Use your ignore button and spam bins work great. The Internet can actually be a safer way to meet people then the bar. At least your not jumping into bed with each other the first day you meet. I do believe background checks maybe a bit extreme, unless that person has given you cause for concern.

2 Great tips for meeting with someone you have met on the Internet:

  1. Always keep your logs of the conversation you had with that person. That is how you will find out about who that person is. What they say to you is who they are. If there are any discrepancies then you have nipped it in the bud before meeting. Looking for consistencies in conversation and determine what is sparking your intellectual connection with each other.
  2. Checking on someone is a good idea, a but there are ways that are less confrontational and will keep your money in your own pocket. The best background check is your intuition. Pay attention and look for inconsistencies and always, always meet in a public place until you have determined you want to give that person more access to your life (e.g giving out your home address

Related StoryDinner, Movie — and a Background Check — for Online Daters
Cheers
Rokman



Feel the Love Because You’re Worth it!
March 4, 2007, 12:30 pm
Filed under: Love In The News

Some people are desperate to find love they can’t see it when it is in front of them. According to the Seattle Times actually Believing You Deserve Love is a common problem. No matter how many times some people are told that they are loved, some cannot see the reality of it.

The ability to reflect on and learn from our behavior and use this new learning to enhance our self esteem, communication and relationship skills is key to self-improvement and life long happiness.

Lets start with listening to yourself.

When you hear in your head this person does not love me even though they have said numerous times they do, you have to ask yourself why? It is as important to apply rational thought processes to our relationships as it is to our daily functioning in the workplace. We run thoughts and questions over and over in our heads all day long anyways. Why not use this method to solve problems at work and the problems in your relationship. At work problems are often more black and white (facts) than our relationships issues. We have to search within ourselves, learn to listen to your thoughts and reflections. If you have to write it down then do so.

Next is understanding what you are listening to.

Previously I mentioned writing down your thoughts. Why are you having these thoughts? How long have you had them. What is the likely root cause? Is it something that stems from your/their past? Is it just paranoia or both? Everything may seem to be alright on the surface but you have to dig down deep to get a true understanding. Maybe the reason you feel unloved comes from a cheating spouse or a partner’s behavior that makes you feel insecure. Other causes are abusive relationships from past or present. They could just be feelings of inadequacy but until you explore and recognize you will not be able to understand.

Finally we have the corrective measures.

Once you have listened to that inner voice and understand what it is telling you then you can move forward to corrective measures to repair the damage that you have been facing all of your life. If the reason you can’t feel loved stems from relationship(s) of the past then you have to realize that this is not your fault. They were the ones that had the problem. It was their lack of understanding of you and your needs. Cheating on a spouse or abusing them physically or mentally can and does lead to insecurities and emptiness. Move forward, continue to listen to those thoughts, understand them and change what you can to make it right for you.

Other great stories can be found at Love of Seduction

Fantastic and Interesting Reading on Self Help
Steven Covey: 7 Habits of Highly Successful People



Passports An Issue in Love?
March 3, 2007, 6:43 pm
Filed under: Love In The News

Are passports an issue in love?

You bet they are, as a young mixed culture couple found out when they were separated due to political rivalry in Iraq. A couple finds it tough to consummate their love after the death of Saddam Hussein Forbidden Love It seems that passports dating back before the end of Saddam Hussein’s reign have been refused. If you had a passport before 2006 then you were now longer allowed to cross either border coming or going, read Iraq Tightens it’s Borders.

It seems that the more we put up borders to keep love from blossoming, the more we are forcing and promoting wars and separatism.

Allowing people of different cultures and backgrounds to come together can bring a unified social system that will work for everyone. This can assist with the difficult task of encouraging different cultural groups to diversify their beliefs and education to adapt and allow a peaceful existence.

Remember don’t let borders stand in your way to love. Get your passport today.